My sweetest Mollie girl. You are now 4 months old and I am barely sitting down to tell you this story. First of all let me tell you how much you have changed our family! We could not be more in love with you. Your spirit is straight from heaven. I told your dad the other day, that having you is like having a little piece of heaven right here in our home. Your my sweet precious baby, and I could not love you any more than I do. I am so thankful for you! You have to know that!! You and your siblings have my whole heart forever and ever!!
So this pregnancy was rough in the beginning but it wasn't as bad as the 2 other girls, like not at all!!!!! I was SO INCREDIBLY sick with Braylee and Emily.! In fact, your pregnancy was a lot like Maddens. I thought for sure I was having a little boy. I felt tired a lot and sometimes I would be queesy. I threw up several times, which I did not do with the other girls. However, as the pregnancy progressed, it got really really hard. I was just so so so uncomfortable! I'm not sure if I carried you differently or if it was because I was in my 30's, but it was just very difficult. I just kept feeling like my body wasn't capable of finishing this pregnancy (and all along I was right). So on Friday Nov, 11 the girls and I went out for a girls night out. I was 31.5 weeks along. Oh man, just typing that made my stomach flip. We are just so blessed to have you here healthy and strong.! Anyway, we were going to go to olive garden and a movie. Dad and Madden were going out for a boys night the next night, that was the plan anyway :) .. We called olive garden and they said they had an hour wait. We wanted to make it to the 7 o clock movie, so we decided to go somewhere else. The girls chose whataburger. I remember the week before just feeling like I was done. Like I literally could not make it another 9 weeks. I just felt, not right, if that makes sense. Well, after the girls and I finished our dinner we stood up to go and my water broke. I feeling of panic washed over me. Also a feeling of unbelief. I just knew my water had broke, there was absolutely no question whatsoever, but I still couldn't help but think, well maybe it's something else. Every things ok, maybe it's something else. I knew otherwise though. I immediately told the girls we were going to the hospital instead of the movie, that we may be having the baby sooner than we thought. I was surprised at how calm I was able to remain. (on the outside)...I remember buckling Emily into her carseat and I was just shaking. I was so scared something was wrong with my sweet baby. Braylee asked if we could just try to go to the movie and then go to the hospital after. Sweet little thing :) I calmly told her no LOL. I called Dan and drove straight to the hospital. Luckly whataburger was just a block away. We hurried into the ER. The nurses were all very good right from the beginning. We were watched over that day for sure. I was still shaking and the panic started to creep back in again. I held Emily on my lap as they wheeled me up to the OB floor. I kept telling the girls everything was ok, we just needed to check the baby. I remember after they put me on the stretcher in the OB trioge area Braylee kept telling Emily, "it's ok, mommy will be ok." That melted my heart. I remember the nurses asking so many questions and making me feel out all this paper work. The whole time I was just thinking, PUT ME ON THE MONITOR!!! I wanted to check my sweet baby before anything else!!! When they finally did put me on the monitor, your heart beat was loud and healthy. That moment was such a relief. I just cannot tell you how reassuring that moment was. I whispered a prayer of thanks. You were being watched over.
The nurse had me change into a gown, and checked my cervix. I was only dilated 1/2 cm. I was having contractions, but nothing regular at all. I just remember the nurse taking vitals and asking questions, telling me she was calling in the doctor. All this time I just kept thinking, we're having a baby tonight, we're having a baby tonight. It really never occurred to me that they would leave you in as long as they could. Looking back this part was such a blur. I remember preparing myself mentally for either going home on bedrest or having a baby. That is not how it happened. The nurse explained to me that they would give me different medications to help the babies lungs mature in case labor proceeded. She also talked to me about a medication called magnesium that would slow or stop labor. And they would give me that just long enough to get the steroids in for your lungs. Ok, I thought, I would get a coupld medications, maybe an IV and be on my way. I don't know why but I just thought I'd be going home if they weren't going to let you come. At some point the nurse said, "oh, your not going home until you've had a baby." This kinda shocked me and threw me for a loop. I wasn't mentally prepared at all to have to stay in the hospital. The doctor did come in and talk to me. He told me that our goal was to let you cook as long as possible. He said that each day you stayed inside was equal to approximately 3 days less in the NICU. So that's what we did. I've got to tell you that magnesium was rough stuff!!! Man! That was a challenge for this mom! It's a muscle relaxer, so literally every muscle in your body relaxes...It sounds nice and, well, relaxing, right,?? NOT SO! It was miserable! I remember when they finally let me get up to take a shower, I was barely able to stand. (the first 3 days I was unable to even get up to go to the restroom, I had to use a bedpan)....But on that 3rd day the doctor finally granted me permission to take a shower, and that shower was glorious!! It was so incredibly hard to move around. Laying in bed that week was very taxing. It wasn't at all relaxing as some might think. The hardest part was knowing that my kids and our family activities still needed to go on, but I wasn't there to make sure they did.
The day you were born the ultra sound tech came in to check your position (you were transverse or sideways when I was admitted, so they were preparing me for a c section unless you turned head down), When we saw you on the monitor you had flipped! However, you had flipped the wrong way. You were breech. The tech then told me there was an extremity (a foot) sticking into the vaginal canal. You were kicking your way right out of there. She was extremely calm, and said she would notify the doctor, but it wasn't harmful to you at all. She then finished up and left the room. I didn't think anything of it. I got up to use the bedside commode when 3-4 nurses came rushing in. I knew at that point something was going to be happening. My nurse calmly told me that I probably should remain in bed until the doctor came in. She told me that due to the fact that your foot was in the canal, they would prep me for a c section just in case that's what the doctor had wanted to do. I still didn't think it would happen. Every day the doctor had told me, lets keep waiting, hopefully we can make it one more day and we'll re-evaluate tomorrow. I was sure this was going to be one of those times again. The nurses started an IV and prepped me for surgery. It was only 5 minutes later that the doctor walked in. She immediately told me that we would indeed be having a baby tonight. As excited as I was to meet you, I was so scared. It was still so early. I had never had a c section. There were so many emotions at this point. The next 30 minutes all happened so incredibly fast. They wheeled me right back to the OR and started prepping for surgery. I was shaking and sweating. Honestly, I think that is the most nervous I have ever been. I was nervous for surgery, but I was more nervous about you being born so early. After they gave me the spinal and put up the drape, Dan came in. It was time for you to come. Literally within 2 minutes I heard the doctor say, "She's here!" It was then that you cried my Mollie girl. You cried the sweetest, loudest cry. Braylee, Madden, and Emily did not cry when they were born. So when you cried, my heart just couldn't take it. I was so incredibly relieved. You were OK, I just knew it! I can't explain what I felt when I heard it. I really can't even begin to explain. And then the most incredible part happened. They carried you past the drape, and for a very short second I saw you. I will NEVER EVER forget that. They showed me the smallest, tiniest, most perfect baby girl. I honestly will never forget this very moment. It was this moment I cried. It was this moment that all the aches, troubles, worries etc. from the week before became obsolete. They didn't matter anymore. I realized I would have done it again 1000 times! Because when I looked at you, you were perfect. Seriously, I just can't tell you how that feels. They then took you over to work on you a little bit. They told me they were going to take you to the NICU, and Dad was going with you. They let me see you once more, but this time you had lots of little cords and tubing hooked up to you. They then wheeled you out of the room into the NICU. After you left, I felt absolute peace. I knew you were ok. And the love I felt for you immediately was so intense. I just laid there as they stitched me up and closed my eyes. This was the best I had felt in weeks. You were my little miracle. You were here and you were strong and you were healthy. And we loved you right away, more than I can ever even begin to say. My sweet Mollie, I can't wait for you to be able to experience this sacred experience with your own babies. And when you do, I will be right next to you holding your hand. We love you so much. Welcome to our family!
Right now you are in the other room and you are starting to fuss, so next time I will tell you about your stay in the NICU. Love you my sweet girl.
Love mom
